Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Is Oprah even human
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
