The brown eye won't let me do that either.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
