I accidentally had phone sex last night
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
