just come out here and I will go home with you...
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
