Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
