I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
So much Jack, so little girl.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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