I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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