remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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