So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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