I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
