I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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