yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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