hell yes lets make some ravioli
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
