Who did Billy Mays play for?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
