she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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