his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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