I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
