Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
