Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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