I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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