i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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