like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
