I'm drive I can fine osifer
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
