I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
