Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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