Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Randomize
