So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
