bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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