I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
