theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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