and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
