Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
