i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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