At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
