I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Randomize