Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
tell me about the eggs
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
