Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
