i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
