Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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