I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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