oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
