I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
