That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
