He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm gonna have a badass scar
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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