i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
did i walk over a car last night?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
