508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
