Texts From Last Night

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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time

  (1-763): View more from Minnesota

  Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.

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  (763): So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time (1-763): Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother. http://tfl.nu/6l4l
  Replies (29) Good night (1065) Bad night (2628)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level

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  (256): that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level http://tfl.nu/kj4c
  Replies (16) Good night (4685) Bad night (778) Order T-Shirt
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  (727): View more from Florida

  I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.

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  (727): I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake. http://tfl.nu/tfkj
  Replies (12) Good night (5412) Bad night (1014) Order T-Shirt
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless

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  (724): his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless http://tfl.nu/7ms7
  Replies (22) Good night (921) Bad night (5268) Order T-Shirt
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again

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  (+44): we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again http://tfl.nu/6h6m
  Replies (13) Good night (3528) Bad night (897) Order T-Shirt
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?

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  (412): turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's? http://tfl.nu/akbw
  Replies (4) Good night (2495) Bad night (705) Order T-Shirt
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances

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  (306): But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances http://tfl.nu/e227
  Replies (4) Good night (2106) Bad night (670) Order T-Shirt
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.

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  (603): The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people. http://tfl.nu/gh99
  Replies (9) Good night (1008) Bad night (2361) Order T-Shirt
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  (863): View more from Florida

  hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.

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  (863): hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple. http://tfl.nu/ta85
  Replies (11) Good night (1387) Bad night (691) Order T-Shirt
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.

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  (307): puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done. http://tfl.nu/58vm
  Replies (3) Good night (2105) Bad night (491) Order T-Shirt
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  (641): View more from Iowa

  He smells so good today

  (1-641): View more from Iowa

  Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.

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  (641): He smells so good today (1-641): Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit. http://tfl.nu/5jte
  Replies (13) Good night (1987) Bad night (583) Order T-Shirt
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  (209): View more from California

  His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.

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  (209): His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant. http://tfl.nu/4fo7
  Replies (9) Good night (1228) Bad night (440) Order T-Shirt
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember

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  (832): came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember http://tfl.nu/t07z
  Replies (3) Good night (630) Bad night (575)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.

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  (636): Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present. http://tfl.nu/1iee
  Replies (9) Good night (2293) Bad night (264)
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  (848): View more from New Jersey

  We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.

  (848): View more from New Jersey

  A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.

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  (848): We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples. (848): A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck. http://tfl.nu/35ft
  Replies (3) Good night (1186) Bad night (315)

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