Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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