Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance