I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....