I can tuck mytits in my pants
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
