Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
