Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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