I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
