i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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