The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
