So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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