I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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