I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Drunk is a universal language darling
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
