I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I am one with the molecules
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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