Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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