I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
foreskin is a definite game changer
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
