just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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