my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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