she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
