my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He better not be in your backpack
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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