hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
