I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
