Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
