Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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