Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
