omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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