i jhust puked up my retainher.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
