Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
