Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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