I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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