i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
