You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
