Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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