I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
