hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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